Your paradigms ain't worth two bits. - Jebediah Motoessence

So who the hell are we, and why should you subscribe to this august journal? These and other fascinating queries are answered below. In the grand tradition of the phony interview (viz Paul McCartney's Ram), we herewith offer our sorry excuses:

What is MotoEssence, anyway?
It's an online, paid subscription ($12/year) motorcycling magazine. Not a portal, not a bulletin board, a magazine. Which means we'll provide (as you should well expect) original, professionally-produced articles and features. Complementing the main section of the magazine, the MotoEssence Forums enable you to immediately post and view comments on articles you've just read, and hobnob with fellow motorcyclists on a broad range of subjects. Oh, and we don't accept advertising.

Why isn't it free, like everything else on the Web?
Umm, why should it be? We devote a great deal of time and effort to producing MotoEssence, and expect to get paid for it. Nothing is "free," it's just a question of who's paying for it—advertisers or consumers. In the world of commerce, we think things work best when the people who benefit from a product (e.g., a magazine's readers) are the ones who pay for it.

But why not let advertisers foot the bill, like other magazines?
In the immortal words of Deep Throat (as in Watergate, pervert), "Follow the money." As your question suggests, most magazines derive the vast majority of their revenue from advertisers, not subscribers. So whose interests do you think publishers prize most? It's axiomatic that those who pay the most are the ones who benefit the most—otherwise they wouldn't pay. MotoEssence, by contrast, gains 100% of its dough from only one source: our subscribers. We answer to you and you alone.

So all motorcycling magazines with ads are lying creeps?
Not at all. They have simply chosen a business model that forces them to juggle the interests of their advertisers and their readers. Historically, few magazines have pulled that off successfully. Not surprisingly, many tend to err on the side of the folks who give them the most money. That doesn't constitute dishonesty or misconduct. It is simply a matter of fundamental economics and prudent business practice, given the constraints of the business model.
We don't like that model.

Well, who the hell ARE you?
The official blather reads, "We're riders who are passionately devoted to motorcycling, intent on making positive contributions to it." To which you might well reply, "Huh?" Basically, we think riding a motorcycle is one of the great joys in human existence. And we want to tell people about that, in a way that ensures they will truly get the most from the experience. Which means we place a heavy emphasis on rider skill, ongoing education and acting responsibly.

"Acting responsibly?" What are you, a bunch of weenies?
Fear not, Grasshopper. We enjoy a good twist of the wrist as much as the next biped. What we don't countenance are acts of sheer stupidity, such as hoisting wheelies in freeway traffic, squeezing off stoppies at busy intersections, and generally behaving like a horse's ass on congested streets and highways. Beyond the fact that such conduct often leads to full deadosity, it also feeds the public's growing animosity for motorcyclists, which we can ill afford.

You sound like boring old farts, dude.
Not really, punk…er, young fellow. As our earlier Macca reference harkens back some thirty years, you may have twigged we come from an ancient people. We're indeed members of the Geez, a proud order whose prostates swell as their 401Ks shrink. But BOFs we are not. Our predilection is for high performance bikes, specifically standards and sportbikes.

So you're not into cruisers and touring bikes?
We love ALL motorcycles, which we think is a basic litmus test for any true motorcyclist. If it's got two wheels and an engine, we're interested. Posers, on the other hand, get positively apoplectic when they see riders astride certain proscribed marques. You know the type, twits who won't wave to fellow riders, enjoy ripping on bikes they've never even sat on, much less ridden, etc. Juvenile posturing and cliques are so sad. We were in junior high school once, it was fine, but we're really not interested in going back.

What's with the anti-poser stuff?
We've noticed a marked increase in the number of folks who get a motorcycle, but don't seem to "get" motorcycling. Some buy race reps to manifest their manhood, adopting the "death with keys" mantra popular among the squidly. (It must be difficult having testicles so large each one has its own ZIP code—our heartfelt sympathies.) Born-to-be-mild Harley acolytes also litter the landscape, ruggedly racking up dozens of miles per year on their newly-acquired status/phallic symbols. Sadly, these two factions seem to have cornered the market on testosterone, leaving the rest of us to watch Oprah and trade bundt cake recipes.

Very funny. What exactly is your beef?
We believe riding a motorcycle is a way of life, not a trendy lifestyle. Now that bikes have become The Next Big Thing, the roads are clogged with weekend warriors strafing through canyons or rumbling down Main Street. They certainly look cool, which is of course their goal, but many don't know how to ride properly and can pay a terrible price for it. This is obviously unhealthy for those who are injured (or killed), but it's also detrimental to motorcycling itself.

Explain…
Motorcycling is not just another fad for the hipsters to dabble in. It does not suffer fools gladly, which is in fact a major part of its charm. In an age where bullshitting one's way through life seems to be the norm, motorcycling stands apart. You cannot fake it, you must invest some effort into learning to ride well. The benefits are certainly worth it. In a paradox that applies to many activities, the more serious you are about it, the more fun it becomes. Which brings to mind an essential truth of motorcycling: It has nothing to do with what's between your legs, and everything to do with what's between your ears.

That sounds pretty elitist.
It's certainly not meant to. We're simply concerned that irresponsible, unskilled riders will generate increasing antipathy in the general public. Which often presages interference from the government (e.g., 12 horsepower bikes with air bags, anyone?). According to the latest NHTSA statistics, motorcycling deaths have increased sharply over the last several years. While we certainly don't claim to have empirical evidence that explains this rise, looking at rider skills certainly seems a good place to start. When macho posturing is the driving force behind new motorcyclists, the humbling (and vital) process of rider education can easily be ignored. And without proper training, a boisterous kid on a GSX-R1000 or fashionable baby boomer on an 800 lb Road King is just an accident waiting to happen.

So you're heavily into improving rider skills, eh?
Damn right. Learning to ride better is an endless, and endlessly fascinating, journey. We'd wager no one, not King Kenny, not Freddie or Eddie, not even the glorious Valentino Rossi, would claim to have mastered the art of motorcycle riding. And it's a safe bet that any of them could smoke your ass (and ours), even if they were mounted on a clapped-out CX500 and you/we rode an R1 or GSX-R1000. So it definitely ain't the bike… Happily, that means we all have lots of room for improvement.

So will riding skills be your only focus?
Hardly. We'll feature road tests of new bikes, as well as retrospectives on notable older models. And we'll have a broad variety of equipment reviews, with an emphasis on riding gear and apparel. We're also fascinated by how things work, so we'll regularly run technical articles analyzing the technology and construction techniques in today's bikes. Plus profiles of industry figures and businesses, and an endless series of columns to enlighten and annoy.

What WON'T you have?
We won't have track tests or dyno tests of bikes, because other motorcycling magazines do an admirable job in that regard, and we'd rather allocate our resources elsewhere. And frankly, we think they're somewhat irrelevant to the average street rider. True, horsepower and torque curves can give you a rough idea of a bike's responsiveness in everyday use. But why not just ride it on the street and find out exactly what's what? Seems to make more sense to us… We also won't have competition features or race results, because there are other publications (online and print) that can do it faster and/or better than us.

So you're not going to be the ultimate motorcycle magazine?
Nope. We have absolutely no intention of, nor pretension to, being the world's authoritative source for all things motorcycle. That whole "everything but the kitchen sink" approach leaves us cold (and is inevitably doomed to failure). There are lots of good motorcycle magazines in the world, and we highly recommend you read as many as you can. You'll learn a lot, and in the process may come to recognize and appreciate MotoEssence's unique voice and point of view.

What magazines would you cite as influences?
Numero uno is Cycle magazine, under the stewardship of Cook Neilson and then Phil Schilling. It was, and remains, the gold standard among motorcycling publications. Indeed, we spent many years trying to convince friends and co-workers that it was not just the best motorcycling magazine around, but one of the world's best magazines of any type. After Cycle, we happily acknowledge Nick Ienatsch's Sport Rider. The early issues of Sport Rider were magical, packed with intelligent, articulate articles on improving rider skills. And we also dig the British mags Performance Bikes, Bike and RiDE.

What current motojournalists inspire you?
Peter Egan, Kevin Cameron and Nick Ienatsch from the American contingent. Egan is simply unrivalled when it comes to understanding and describing Why We Ride. Cameron is probably the most gifted technical writer in motorcycling. And no motojournalist has done more over the last decade to champion rider skills than Nick Ienatsch. Among the Brits, we favor Simon Hargreaves, Trevor Franklin and Rupert Paul (though many others deserve a nod, including the late John Robinson and Ronnie Smith). All have a combination of bawdy humor and technical savvy that we Yanks have yet to match.

(Yawning) OK, anything else?
Nah, we're sick of this too.